Let me just start with telling you how much I love and care about all of you.
Tomorrow, our MTC district is Pittsburgh bound!! I couldnt be more excited for everyone.
Well, I'll just start with what we did this week and go from there. Last P day, we got up early, did some laundry, emailed home and I remember drinking lots of chocolate milk because why on Earth not?? We also went to the Temple on P day as a district one last time and tried to catch a session together since we only had one week left at the MTC. It was so good to feel the spirit so strongly and be with my second family in one of my favorite places, the Temple.
We had a devotional Tuesday night and talked as a District afterwards. The spirit is probably the greatest teacher I've ever known because to this day, I am reminded of words said in devotionals and continue to gain different teachings and truths from them.
I don't remember much about Wednesday other than it was pretty normal until I went through another attack. I had gone a whole day without any medication or symptoms at all and I was feeling so good, but all good things must come to an end at some point I suppose. My body started shaking and this time, I could feel myself about to pass out. I warned Sister Skinner in advance because as my body shook, I could just feel myself losing consciousness. About two minutes later, all movement stopped because I had blacked out.
Sister Skinner stayed with me while I slept for two hours after that while the others went to class. My body was tired and I was mentally and emotionally exhausted when I immediately woke up and started to tremor again.
I quickly took my medication and was pretty drowsy and out of it for the rest of the evening. Lets just say, I slept pretty well that night.
On Thursday, Sister Peterson went with me to my Doctors appointments and counseling appointments. They were super happy that I had gone a full day without any issue, but of course, I had to tell them about what had happened on Wednesday. They told me after that, that later in the day, a council with District leaders would be held to determine what the next step was for me. I was so stressed out all day long. I couldn't believe that by the end of the day, I would know if I was staying at the MTC or would have to go home. I tried really hard to concentrate in my classes. I tried to teach with real intent and study for our investigators, but it was hard to keep everything all bottled up inside of me.
At around 3:00, Sister Green and I left so I could go to meet with the District leader in the MTC who had attended the meeting about the decision of my health. I was so scared. Sister Green and I walked through the MTC store to kill some time while we waited and I tried not to show how much stress the waiting was causing me. I didn't want to go home. I was convinced that those words would kill me. We made our way to the District offices in the building S1. I left Sister Green sitting there in a separate room, while I followed a brother just down the hall and into his office. He had me take a seat, I quickly took note of a strategically placed box of tissues placed right next to me, and he told me to tell him everything about my MTC experience, including health struggles.
I poured out my heart to him because I was afraid of what was coming.
He told me that he met with my counselors, doctors, and district leaders about my health and situation. He said they prayed to know what to do.
They were sending me Home.
I wish I could say I understood what those words meant initially. In my mind, I thought it was all a big joke and I was ready for him to REALLY tell me what came next. It started to set in however when he called up my stake president on the phone right then and there. He told me I would need to come back after dinner to receive my flight plans for the following day. He said that it would be wise for me to start packing soon so I could be ready to go early the next morning. He was so sorry to be the one to explain all of this. He told me he could tell I have a true desire to serve and to do what I love. He told me that this was a part of Heavenly Fathers Plan and that at some point, it will hopefully all become clear to me.
But I wasn't listening any more. I didn't want to hear another word.
I wiped my tears the best that I could and walked over to Sister Green. I didn't say anything to her at first because I didn't want to. I didn't want those words to even come out of my mouth because it wasn't really happening to me. I KNEW this would never happen to ME.
I was still wiping tears as we walked out of S1 and I think Sister Green could just tell what had happened.
I remember exiting the building and looking at her and trying not to let the words catch in my throat or to start sobbing again..
"They're sending me home.."
She just wrapped an arm around me as we slowly walked back to the classroom. We tried to crack jokes to keep our spirits up. I tried to distract myself. This wasnt actually happening. I refused to believe it.
As we walked up the stairs, our teacher, Brother Chueng, met us at the top. He saw us coming and before I continued I just stood there, crying and said, " Brother Chueng, I'm going home." He just nodded his head and started walking down the stairs to where we were standing. And then he did something that is strongly advised against for Elders and Brothers in the MTC. He gave me a hug.
We walked to the classroom where Brother Chueng asked for Sister Skinner, my companion, to come out with all of her things. She saw us in the hallway and saw my tears and I remember her saying, "What's wrong?" I had forgotten that she had no idea about any of this yet. I explained the best I could to her what was going on and she and I sobbed in the middle of a hallway filled with classes.
The rest of the evening was a blur. I was angry, I was exhausted, but I was mostly sad.
My Sisters helped me pack my things quicker than I thought possible. We all went and took a shower that evening and we all sang hymns from our separate shower stalls. After we finished, we sat on the bathroom floor together and continued to sing hymns.
I bore my testimony to my district that night. I told them I loved them.
The next morning, all of the Elders met us at our residence dressed in suits and ties so they could walk me into S1 where I had asked for a blessing.
The Sisters took a seat and Elder Hale, our district leader, offered the blessing. Every other Elder in our district joined and the spirit was so very strong. I had never been more grateful for my MTC family than I had at that very moment.
The Elders took my suitcases and we all walked to the travel office where I returned my room key, safe lock, and they wiped my MTC card.
I started to say goodbye to my family. It felt no different from when I said goodbye to my immediate family almost 4 weeks ago at the Eugene airport as I headed to the MTC.
I was finishing my goodbyes and my district started singing, "God be with you til we meet again."
I said goodbye to my companion last.
I walked over to the vehicle which would take me to the airport and I closed the door. I looked back out the window and waved as the van pulled out.
We turned the corner, and they were gone.
Honestly, I still can't believe any of this happened. It seems like I made it up or I dreamed it. But truthfully, this was all very real and very hard for me.
I cried once I made it to the airport. I cried as I sat on that plane thinking about what had just happened. I cried when my parents met me in Eugene. I cried when I was asked to take off my nametag. I cried when I hugged my sisters again. I cried when I saw my Best friend. I cried when I went to sacrament meeting in my home ward. I cried when I went caroling with my family. I cry when people look at me in shock, wondering why I'm home all of a sudden.
You would think I would run out of tears right?
Everyone who knows me, knows Charlotte can and will cry at any given moment so Im sure no one is really all that surprised.
Brothers and Sisters. I may not wear the nametag, I may not be at the MTC, I may not be boarding a plane to Pennsylvania tomorrow, next week, or even next month. But as much as I want to believe that nothing will get better, I KNOW that it will.
There is work to be done.
I gave my life to God for 18 months. I CHOSE that. Why should I get to dictate how He uses it? This isn't MY mission. This is his. I am simply His mouthpiece.
I testify that there is a plan in place. I can't wait to see that plan unfold and become something I never knew was possible.
I testify that Christ is the savior of the world.
I know that his gospel is true.
And when you KNOW that much, why should I ever have anything to complain about?
I love you all.
Sister Charlotte Westover
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