Hmm. Where should I start?
Last week, I went to the ER so that was an adventure. Ever since that experience, my body hasn't really been acting the same way. I've been very sick this week and have been to many doctors appointments because of muscle spasms attacks and episodes. Quite frankly, I'm exhausted from these episodes, and it's super embarrassing when I randomly pass out in the middle of class. I'm pretty tired of blood tests and counseling appointments, but hopefully, it will have all been worth it!
On Friday, I was REALLY struggling. They had just drawn blood and missed three out of the four times so I was super lightheaded and bruised. I was given a prescription and was told that if things got worse, or if I can't go without the pills without having an episode, they would have to send me home for further treatment.
NOPE. It just really scared me that I had gotten this far and that this was a topic of conversation all of a sudden. I have missed so many meetings and classes because I black out and I have just really felt worthless as a missionary.
We went to pick up my prescription that day and sister Skinner received an email from the boy that she was with back home. The email basically explained that he had moved on and that she should stop reaching out to him.
As we walked to class, we both decided we needed a really good cry. We grabbed a tissue box and just let it all out in an empty zone room.
When we came back, our teacher immediately shifted gears and we went for a walk as a district. Our teacher stayed behind to chat with us and check in on how we were doing. We turned the corner and I saw my district, outside in the cold, on their knees.... I turned to Sister Skinner and just cried. Our new family was incredible and they were praying for us. It was the greatest tender mercy of the day and I love them one hundred times more than I already have for it.
Today, I am feeling more confident and ready to tackle PA. With one week left, I am reminded that my 100 percent effort is different from that of other missionaries. Heavenly Father knows where I am at right now. He knows that I have the desire to study, teach, and learn. I also know that he is happy with what I have been able to give regardless of health struggles.
Another tender mercy occurred on Wednesday! Our district was asked to host the new missionaries and as I started to walk with a sister that needed help, I saw my Kertamus Cousins including Amber Stotts dropping of my Cousin Joseph! It probably wasn't allowed, but they all jumped out of the car and ran over to me to give me hugs. It was incredible and SOOOO needed.
I also saw Elder Kertamus that night at dinner and we allowed a "Handshake Bro Hug" since we are cousins after all. It was so good to see another familiar face in the MTC.
 |
| Hosting the new Missionaries |
 |
| My cousin, Elder Joseph Kertamus |
Sister Cunningham (Sister from my home stake) left this morning which is way sad but also super duper exciting. I just love her a lot and I know that she is going to do amazing things in Boston.
 |
| A friendly face from home...Sister Cunningham |
Some of the Sisters in our District decided we all needed matching Pittsburgh Shirts so we each purchased two different styles. SOO cute!
Sorry that I don't have anything more exciting or uplifting to report on, but I do know this.
Heavenly Father is completely aware of our situations and our desires. I am really exhausted, sometimes I'm confused, I often miss my best friend, my family, my ward, and my home... But I also feel like I AM at home while I'm here. The people I have met have become my family and we have all gone through some pretty tough things over the past three weeks. But I absolutely wouldn't trade it for anything.
In class, after I had passed out earlier that morning due to an attack, we were reverently discussing our heavenly mother. I remember thinking about my own mother and wished I could be near her even for a moment. And then probably the coolest experience of the week happened. My muscles started moving against my will again and I started to brace myself for another episode, but I also didn't feel any pain or concern. Just peace.
I just started rocking back and forth and I felt warm. I recognized the feeling as if I were a little girl again, sitting on my mother's lap, being rocked back and forth in her arms. I was filled with the spirit and in the words of my best friend, I knew that "Everything's going to be okay." It was as if there was someone whom I couldn't see who was there, just holding me.
Yesterday was a super good day. I was starting to feel myself falling into my spasm episodes and my anxiety counselor allowed me to make a phone call to my parents for a full 45 minutes. I immediately relaxed and felt just fine again. I went longer than I have yet today without another attack! 24 full hours!! Ah, such accomplishments. It's the little things, I tell ya..
Well, I hope that you know how much I love you. Oh, how badly I wish I could show you the things I have seen and feel what I've felt. As a coping mechanism for stress, at home, I would listen to music. The counselor gave me permission to listen to any song on my tablet if it makes me calm down. So, I am currently listening to "Our Glorious Family Tree," written by my aunt. I just want to testify that there is truly, " something bigger than you and me," and it is right here and right now.
I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that God's love is infinite. And it is because of these simple truths that I'm reminded that "Everything's going to be okay."
THAT is something I can absolutely promise you.
I'll talk to you next week! I don't leave until next Wednesday so I have one more P day at the Glorious MTC.
Lots of love.
Sister Westover
No comments:
Post a Comment